A Guide to Personal Care for Seniors

As we age, we might experience conditions or chronic pain that make it more difficult to move through our days independently. For example, painful arthritis might make buttoning a shirt frustrating and challenging. Or, a neurological condition like Parkinson’s disease might make balancing in the shower dangerous. However, maintaining independence with personal care tasks such as bathing/showering, grooming, oral care, and dressing, is imperative in order to boost quality of life, dignity, and overall health.

Sometimes, a little extra support or assistance can go a long way in empowering older adults, increasing self-esteem, and enhancing independence. If you are seeing your senior loved one struggle with personal care tasks, you might wonder how to get them the support they need. You have options, from helping them on your own to finding a senior living community that provides personal care services.

Understanding Personal Care Needs as Seniors Age

Needing assistance with personal care tasks is not a foregone conclusion for all older adults. However, it is common to live with a condition that can make typical personal care tasks more challenging. Chronic conditions that cause impaired balance, increased pain, decreased mobility, and even reduced vision can make daily tasks frustrating, difficult, and even dangerous.

Unsure if your loved one is struggling? Here are a few signs that they might need some additional support or assistance:

• Wearing the same clothing over and over again
• Increased body odor
• Not looking as “put together” as they have preferred in the past
• Unwashed clothing piling up in the hamper or on the floor
• Looking disheveled, even for family functions or other important events

It can be embarrassing and vulnerable for your loved one to bring up their challenges, so approach your concerns with empathy and care. No matter what, don’t put off your concerns. Without the proper support and assistance, your loved one can end up with additional pain or emotional distress, living with an infection, or even falling.

Start With Respect: Conversations, Preferences, and Consent

When you notice some potential red flags that reflect your loved one might be struggling with their personal care tasks, you might feel anxious about bringing it up to them. This is a common feeling, but your nervousness should not prevent you from addressing it with them. Lead with empathy and be ready to troubleshoot with them and come up with solutions that work for them and their health.

Phrases that might work to open up or continue a conversation about personal care might include:

• “I know this might feel embarrassing to talk about, but I want to help…”
• “I’ve noticed that you’re not wearing your usual makeup and red lip, Mom. Do you have any problems with your usual routine?”
• “Dad, every time I’ve come over this week, you’ve been wearing the same jeans. Let me throw them in the laundry for you.”
• “How can I help?”
• “I noticed that you aren’t taking your usual showers at night. I wonder if you’re feeling nervous since you slipped last time. How can I support you?”

It is important for you and your aging loved one to understand that assistance with personal care tasks doesn’t always mean hands on care. In fact, oftentimes the best support is offered through other ways where the senior can still do the task independently but with less fatigue or worry:

• Setting up supplies for the task for the older adult, like getting the shower running with shampoo and soap opened and on the shower shelf
• Verbal cues or alarms that remind them it is time to brush their teeth, put on pajamas, etc.
• Purchasing and practicing with adaptive equipment that makes tasks easier, like wearing shirts with magnetic buttons or using a sock helper device to put on and take off socks
• Working with an occupational therapist to find routines and support services that make performing personal care tasks easier and safer

Your situation will not be the same as others, and it is okay if you or your loved one feel uncomfortable with you providing such intimate care. There are other options to still ensure they have the support they need. Assistance, whether hands on, set up, cueing or otherwise, can be provided by family members, visiting caregivers, or professional caregivers in a senior living setting. 

Maintain Familiar Routines to Build Comfort and Trust

Professional caregivers who work in quality senior living communities understand the importance of routines when it comes to personal care assistance. Needing help with intimate tasks such as dressing or showering can feel embarrassing, and older adults can feel very anxious prior to and during caregiver assistance. Cognitive decline can enhance this anxiety and can sometimes lead to aggression. However, sticking with preferred routines can alleviate this nervousness and lead to a relationship built on trust and comfort.

For example, if your loved one always took a shower in the evening, the caregiver should maintain this preferred schedule. Switching to a morning shower is not ideal and can leave your loved one feeling confused and uncomfortable.

Other tips for preserving routine can include:

• Using preferred lotions, shampoo, soap, etc.
• Talking about the next few steps of the routine. “Let’s finish up our coffee, head to your closet, and pick out what to wear for the day…”
• Offering plenty of ways for the senior to express their opinions. “It looks like you’re not feeling up to taking your shower yet this morning, and that’s okay. What time would you like to take your shower instead?”

Bathing and Hygiene: Safer, Calmer, and More Effective Care

Maintaining proper hygiene not only promotes dignity, quality of life, and self-esteem, but it is also imperative for keeping infections and wounds at bay. While sponge baths can work in a pinch, they are not ideal for daily use. Instead, plan for showers at least a few times per week.

Tips for making showers safer and more efficient can include:

• Set up supplies, such as shampoo, washcloths, and soap, ahead of time. Make sure they are within reach of the senior (or the caregiver)
• Begin running the water ahead of time and check for a safe temperature on the inside of your wrist before inviting the senior to begin
• A sturdy shower chair can help seniors with poor balance or endurance feel safer in the shower
• If a caregiver is helping extensively with the shower process, it can feel more dignified and private if the caregiver uses a towel or washcloth to cover the senior’s body when they are not washing it
• After the shower, use lotion and/or barrier cream in order to prevent dry skin, chafing, or other skin conditions
• Follow up with a physician if you notice any new open wounds, skin discoloration, rashes, bruises, cuts, or other skin conditions

Bathroom Safety and Home Modifications

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that about 1 in 4 seniors fall annually, with about 80% of those falls happening in the bathroom. You can help to make the bathroom safer for your loved one with these tips:

• Install grab bars near the toilet and in the shower
• Consider replacing a step-in tub/shower with a no-step shower
• Install a shower chair
• Install a handheld shower head
• Ensure everything the senior needs for a shower is within reach prior to beginning the process
• Use non-slip mats or decals in the shower 
• Secure all rugs in the bathroom, ensuring no corners are loose
• Be flexible, anticipating challenges and implementing solutions before a fall 

Skin Care: Preventing Irritation and Infections

Skin care becomes more important as we age, as even a small cut, wound, or rash can quickly lead to infections and other complications. Work with your loved one to be sure they are taking good care of their skin:

• Consider using soaps, shampoos, and lotions that are suited for sensitive skin
• Washing the skin is important, especially in crevices or skin folds, but drying becomes crucial as well. Work with your loved one’s physician and occupational therapist to ensure your loved one and caregiver understand how to properly wash and dry skin during showers
• Use lotion or barrier cream as instructed

Grooming Essentials: Hair, Nails, and Shaving

Showering isn’t the only activity of daily living that a caregiver might need to assist with during personal care support. Grooming, including brushing and styling hair, keeping nails trim, putting on makeup, and shaving, is also crucial to both hygiene and dignity. Tips for grooming assistance can include:

• Use favorite products the senior enjoys
• Brush or comb hair carefully, being gentle when there are tangles
• Wash hair during showers, but also consider using dry shampoo in between showers when hair is oily or needs volume
• Ask the senior’s hairstylist how to maintain their favorite style in between visits to the salon
• When trimming nails, use a nail file as often as possible. 
• Use nail polish if the senior prefers
• Encourage your loved one to wear their makeup as they always have. For example, if your mom loves red lip every day, make sure she has a red lip today
• For shaving, consider using an electric razor to avoid any cuts
• Do not trim the toenails of seniors living with diabetes or other conditions. Make an appointment with a podiatrist instead.
• Work with your loved one’s occupational therapist if you are looking for ways to keep your loved one as independent as possible with these tasks. They can recommend new ways to try grooming tasks, as well as adaptive equipment

Oral Care and Dental Health

Oral care and hygiene are other personal care tasks that are important for overall health as well as dignity and self-esteem. You can assist your loved one with oral care tasks by:

• Keep their preferred routine, brushing at least twice per day
• Use their favorite products when possible
• Encourage the use of dentures if they have them
• Tooth pain or denture discomfort can lead to loss of appetite and rapid weight loss. Keep your eye out for these red flags 
• Keep up with regular dental visits

Supporting Independence Whenever Possible

While it is sometimes easier to just do a personal care task for your loved one, it is important that they participate as much as they can. If you (or another caregiver) do everything for your loved one, they can end up with lower self-esteem and independence. 

Try to work with your older loved one, letting them do as much as they can for themselves before you step in to provide assistance. You can keep them on track with the task by offering verbal cues and encouragement. If you do need to step in and provide hands on care, you can keep them involved with the task by talking about what you are doing and allowing them to make decisions throughout the process. 

Emotional Well-Being and Self-Identity

Personal care tasks are important for overall health and wellness, but these tasks also allow your loved one to express their style and preferences. When possible, allow them to make as many decisions as possible (which shirt to wear, which lipstick to use, etc.), so they are still allowed the opportunity to express themselves. 

Give them the opportunity to dictate their personal schedule and preferences, and help them maintain rituals or routines that make them feel comfortable.

When Caregiving Becomes Overwhelming

Providing any type of assistance and support to your aging loved one can be exhausting. However, providing personal care support can sometimes feel even more taxing, especially if your loved one feels embarrassed, vulnerable, confused, or even angry during the process. Unfortunately, this can quickly lead to caregiver burnout, a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that can lead caregivers to experience negative health outcomes of their own.

Caregivers who are exhausted and running on fumes are more likely to get sick themselves as well as lash out on others, including their aging loved one. The good news is that caregiver burnout can be prevented by getting support so that you can get a break from your caregiving tasks.

One of the easiest ways to get the support you and your loved one need is to find a senior living community that offers personal care support and assistance. This way, your loved one gets the assistance they need, and you can return to being a son or daughter, not just an exhausted caregiver.

Schedule a tour at a Legend Senior Living residence near you to learn more about our customized approach to personal care.

FAQ’s

How often should seniors bathe or shower?

Seniors should bathe or shower at least twice per week, but more often if they are safe to do so. In between showers, use sponge baths to maintain body hygiene and dry shampoo as needed for oily hair.

What personal care tasks do seniors most commonly need help with?

Older adults can find personal care tasks challenging if they are living with neurological disorders, chronic pain, cognitive decline, or other conditions. Showering can sometimes feel the scariest, as falls happen most often in the bathroom of the home.

How do I help an elderly parent with hygiene without upsetting them?

Being honest about how hygiene affects overall health and wellness can be a good talking point. However, it might be better to have your loved one’s physician address the topic with them, and the two of you work to develop a plan together. The more your loved one is able to be involved in the solution, the more empowered they will feel.

What should I do if my loved one refuses to bathe or groom themselves?

If they are refusing every once in a while, allow them to choose when to revisit the task. For example, you might say, “Dad, I can tell you don’t want to shower right now. Would you prefer me to help you after dinner instead?”

If refusal is more consistent, you might need to adjust your approach. This could include having someone else come in to provide the support.

How can I maintain a senior’s dignity during personal care?

Talk honestly with your loved one before, during, and after assisting them with personal care. See what they would like you to do for them to feel more comfortable. Ensure they have the opportunity to dictate what happens and that they have plenty of ways to make their own decisions.

When should a caregiver step in versus encourage independence?

Encouraging independence is always the number one priority, but if your loved one is in danger, you should step in. You can always offer stand-by support so that you are there to verbally encourage them while being close enough to step in as needed or requested.